Single Shot Jokes – Hilarious One-Liners!

ByteColumn here presents you with an eclectic collection of hilarious one-liners:

 

one-liners

 

I farted in an elevator yesterday… it was wrong on so many levels.

 

Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.

 

Don’t lend people money…it gives them amnesia.

 

Teamwork is essential – it allows you to blame someone else.

 

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

 

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

 

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…

 

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

 

What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?
A cock that stays up all night.

 

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

 

I do ten sit ups every morning. It might not sound like much, but there are only so many times you can hit the snooze button.

 

When I read about the evils of drinking, I slowly bumped up my courage, and with full enthusiasm, I gave up reading.

 

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

 

Procrastination is like masturbation…
Sure it feels good at first, but then you realize you’re only screwing yourself.

 

Give a man a match and he’ll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

 

Normal people believe that “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Engineers believe that “If it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet”.

 

Regular naps prevent old age….. especially if you take them while driving.

 

Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite. Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one?

 

Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!

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